The Consultant's Magic Words

As ophthalmologists, a surgical subspecialty, we are consulted a lot. As ophthalmologists in an academic center, we are consulted far more than is appropriate. And because we're residents, consults are frequently downright abused.

The fact is, people have learned the so-called magic words which buy a guaranteed-to-see consult. Even if it means the story is grossly exaggerated, if it gets the patient seen that day, that's all the consultee cares about. Of course it's not like this happens all the time, but there are a few key examples.

"It's a painful eye."  I have been told this before only to find out from the patient that, in fact, there was no pain at all. "No, Doc, there's no pain. It's just that I have had this bump on my eye for a few months and decided to come to the ER at 5 PM on a Friday. Gee, I'm sorry you had to work me in for this." Yeah, right.

"The vision is worse than before."  I have been told this before only to find out from the patient that, in fact, the blurriness is only when they first wake up and it goes away after a few blinks. "Oh, and let me guess, you're having eye pain too, right?" "No, Doc, just a little fuzzy after I intensely rub my eyes in the morning. Should I sleep in my contacts?"

Don't exaggerate just to get us to see the patient. It doesn't make you look any better to me. And I will be sure your attending doesn't think better of you for it.