Now That Really Could Have Waited Until Morning

It is very common for people to present to the ED at odd hours of the night for problems that have been going on since they woke up, or for several days even. You know this. I've bitched about it before.

But this was even more ridiculous. I recently got a consult from the ED about a patient who had gotten mace sprayed in his eye. He complained of a lot of burning. Probably not a huge deal, I thought, but might warrant a visit by me nonetheless. I mean, isn't that the whole idea of mace? If it caused any damage to the eye, it would have long been pulled from the market. Still, if someone has a lot of continued burning of the eyes after getting something in them, it might be worth looking at.

"Have you checked the pH?" I asked.
"Well, uh. . ." the doc stammered.
"Could you?" I asked.
"Well, the patient's already gone," he said. "I just thought I could get him some follow up."
"And you felt you needed to call me at two in the morning for me to make a clinic appointment? What, you think I am going to call him now and set that right up?"
"Well, uh. . ."
"Fine. What's his name?"

Don't call me before the hour of seven about a patient and ask for advice and follow up if the patient is already gone. I really need my beauty sleep to balance out my ugliness. Thanks.